Truth in dating video
I can’t say anything that’s going to completely take away the pain, what you need to do like we’ve been saying is take on a genuine curiosity about the fact that you have fears and what they’re about and then a tenderness toward that party yourself that does fear emotional pain because that’s probably going to be there all of your life so you might as well learn to be with that party yourself and be gentle with it. It has quite a bit of the stuff that you and I have been talking about in it. It actually comes to me and I have to send it so it might take 24 hours to get to your inbox and you’ll be subscribed to my newsletter Getting Real with Susan Campbell and when you get my newsletter you’ll see that I have a free group coaching call once a month that people can just ask me questions. Thank you so much for taking time and sharing so many useful helpful insights and I just appreciate your sense of humor and clarity with all this stuff.
So, I like to be accessible to people and of course I give workshops and seminars and private coaching to. Susan: What it’s all about, how to build a solid secure inner sense of yourself while building a solid secure honest intimate relationship.
“Just be yourself” is commonly stated dating advice. Today, we’re going to finish up our amazing interview with Dr. If I’m my real self around an attractive woman that’s going to end quick and we’ll learn how to shift that, how to find that real self, not that nice guy self that you’re just trying to get her approval and not you trying to put on some pick-up artist thing but just your real authentic self and how easy that can be in some ways. We’re talking about almost like compulsive niceness.
Susan Campbell’s outstanding work on honesty and confidence.If you can get now – if you see this, it would be better if it’s an ongoing friendship where you agree with some person or some people in your life, it could even be some male friends, you agree that if you see yourself kind of holding back on anything that differentiates you from the other that you’ll go back and revise. You know there was some way I didn’t want to seem picky at that time.” But a picky thought came up to me and I want to mention it now because you need that you, you guys who are nice guys, you need the practice in saying something that’s not in agreement or not in perfect total harmony with what’s in front on you. But find somebody in your world that — I call them practice partners and I say to learn these truth skills and to learn to be a more honest human being, you need one or two willing practice partners or maybe a men’s group or something where you agree to revise some of your nice guy behavior after the fact. You’re just kind of conforming like a chameleon to everyone. Aziz: And the reason I had that is because I was like well, okay. So, if you say things that you notice about the other person, just objective reporting like a video camera, that gets her attention, that risks, that gives you the risk of doing something that might make the other person uncomfortable but like it’s pretty safe and it brings you more into the present moment. I call, you know I have a whole chapter called Flirting with Presence, just saying something about your present observation is hugely powerful for women. Aziz: Absolutely and I think one thing you said in there just tied so many things together for me. Do you want to feel good about who you are on a daily basis? They didn’t come up because of your nice guy habit or your other habits of not wanting to offend. Women need these techniques too but pretend like I’m the man. You can go up to somebody and say, “As soon as I noticed you, my heart started beating faster so I thought I better come over and talk to you so I can find out what that’s about.” I mean that’s something that’s true. What thoughts do you have on how to build that courage? And what if, you as a dating single person didn’t sit, put quite — I mean this is a little bit of like you have to coach yourself.So, one practice that I did which is you look for an opportunity once a day to literally say the phrase “I disagree.” Dr. I can challenge someone’s perspective or offer something different. I mean, that’s really – you know that’s going to ruffle some feathers and as I did it, I found that you can say in such a way that it doesn’t even, you know, you say “Wait, I disagree blah, blah, blah” and it was really not a big deal but it was a major step for me. Aziz: But the other thing they do is provide you a way to be more differentiated to not be a nice guy but then what comes with that I think can be a whole new persona that is not authentic. We’re going to pause for just one moment right now and take a quick break and then get back to the conclusion of our interview with Dr. You may not know this but loving yourself is actually a skill. Aziz: You said doing something that willing to take the risk that might make the other person feel a little discomfort. But repeat those inside in you and you go, “Okay, that was an actual thing that I noticed, that I inhibited.” And honor those things and begin to imagine yourself saying more of those things and that is an effective behavior change tool. I mean I think there are so much good stuff there about how to – that idea of flirting with presence and being in a moment and just maybe a few basic things you might share for listeners and I’m going to strongly encourage people if you’re interested in dating and creating authentic relationships any of your books are going to do it especially the Truth in Dating is fantastic read. Susan: He’s willing to face up to his possible emotional pain, okay, so what would he do? It didn’t put quite so much attachment to how it’s going to come out that you kind of make that your growth goal to “how about if I just try to be friendly?You know you have to these practices that aren’t always easy. And remember also, most approaches you make with most people, they’re not meant to go on very long.But remember that the aim is to be a more relaxed, to have a more relaxed friendly world and somehow take it a little bit beyond your own ego. I mean, there’s not going to be like a perfect match between you and a lot of these people and most dating relationships are not going to go beyond three months of dating because once you get to know each other you might not be about the same thing or you might not be at the same level of awareness and so, you can’t talk to each other if you’re not at the same level of consciousness so those things are important. Aziz: That brings us to the end of the interview and the end of our show. It’s just the world giving you information for you to grow with and evolve with and keep moving towards who it is that you want to be in dating, in relationships with women, with your work, anywhere. If you’re listening to the show at night then do it tomorrow.