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We would meet in hotels, have sex – mindblowing sex - and then the realisation that what I was doing was irrevocably wrong would set in.Taking my online affair offline was my big mistake, a transgression too far.Luckily, after only a short time apart, my husband came back to me, willing to try to put us back together and realising, in all this, he had had a part to play too.Some people can handle guilt well, and can happily juggle more than one life.I failed – the guilt was profound – and so began the painful but necessary process of erasing one and focusing solely on the other, the one that had come first.Mercifully, the kind and complicated man I was married to focused too.

Congratulations — by seeking help, you've already demonstrated more self-awareness than the vast majority of online flirts.

I'm in my mid-40s now, and our relationship remains every bit as complicated today.

As I have come to learn, most of those who grow up in a dysfunctional relationship are condemned to seek them out forevermore. In adulthood, I had become a rather complicated girlfriend, each relationship beginning well, but then growing fractured and ending badly.

And I did, pretty much, and I was perfectly fine - until suddenly I wasn't.

There were redundancy problems at work; my marriage was showing strains; and there was something large and unnameable missing from my life.

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