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If I see you without an erection, I’ll make you a sandwich. Lonely vagina seeks penis to be friends with and maybe more Voted most likely to steal your man. About me: Let me bitch at you every day until you sort your shit out. We get married and on our wedding night we’re about to get down and dirt when suddenly I pull up my dress and expose my penis. Looking for a man to cum inside me so I can wipe my goopy vagina along the kitchen floor and pretend I am a slug. Kinda girl you would take home to your mom but would blow you on the way there. If you can’t handle me at my worst I really commend and respect you for setting healthy boundaries for yourself. Skills include: giving head and completing entire games of Civ V.#dicknotdevotion What similarities are there between a 9v battery and my a**hole? You know you shouldn’t lick it, but you do it anyways. I read as many pages as I could after work, long into the night, and finally finished reading the thread after one whole week. Send me an emoji that represents our first date, I’ll send you an emoji that represents our future I’m banking on your standards being a lot lower than mine.“Sometimes life hands you lemons that are worth 2 in the bush, I like puppies.”I’ll write to you every day for a year. I’m a highly motivated, controlling, narcissistic asshole with bad grammar… It’s all on the list so you can use these messages to date and hookup with beautiful Tinder girls tonight. Just as if I was preparing for an exam, I wrote succinct notes on every great line or piece of advice in those thousands of posts ,which then became my Tinder cheat-sheet. that word bums me out unless it’s between “meat” and “pizza” Singer/actor. The only reason she sucks your d*ck is because her mom told her to appreciate the little things in life. Likes: climbing trees, bananas, grooming, finding bugs. I got a memory foam mattress if you are trying to chill. I’ll be Burger King and you’ll be mcdonalds, I’ll have it my way and you’ll be loving it. because I’ve got some SICK PUPPIES” and then I’ll flex so hard my shirt sleeves rip and they’re blown away by my arms, my devotion to dogs and my sense of humour Professional Eugoogoolizer at the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too. I’m just going to answer the question for you: yes they are real.. If you want to have fun and flirty conversations that lead to dates and hookups, you MUST send a great first message that makes a girl take notice of you. The main instances when a girl will read your bio is after you send them an opener or when she wants to send you the first message – she’ll do a little background check to find something to say (guy’s take note, read their profile as well! So including some bio information that will be a conversation point is a good idea.Carefully written, fact-checked essay in the streets, unmoderated comments section in the sheets. If you don’t do that, you’re just going to be ignored and rejected. But if you can’t think of anything to write, a unique photo to help spark conversation can also have the same effect.On our first date I will carve our initials into a tree. I offer to go to the movies but you are tired/have to do laundry.

I’m counting on your standards being lower than mine. Also, my son Ghengis is the most important man in my life. I’m [Your Name] my hobbies include leaves, the fall, pumpkin spice lattes, apple picking, and whatever else girls are into at the moment. I prefer women who talk a lot about their ex and a love for bootyliciousness.

Now, I realize it’s hard to come up with clever messages, but here’s a little secret: You don’t have to! From the hundreds of Tinder profile improvement reviews and testing that we’ve done, here are the biggest mistakes you need to avoid: If you’re in doubt whether to add in a piece of information or funny comment, leave it out!

Because I have a killer list of clever Tinder openers waiting for you. A great bio may help your Tinder results slightly, but a poor bio will definitely devastate any chance of success.

This was my GO-TO GUIDE – with this list I didn’t even have to think of what Opener I should use, or what to say to get a girls number… For a limited time I’ve decided to share my own private Tinder opener cheat sheet so you can have the same success – for free! Above average brains, below average height, pretty average penis. Warehouse worker to pay the bills :)Looking to meet some new people and see what happens :)If you start a conversation with something along the lines of “you look like a f*cking giraffe c*nt”, chances are we won’t get along. On the topic of nude pics: I just want to remind everyone of a little movie called TITANIC… I’ve been having dreams about you and me…I’m 26 I live with my grandparents but that will hopefully change soon. I still ride on the back of shopping carts when I shop.

Click Here to Download Your FREE Cheat-Sheet I’m all of like two feet tall. If you’re wondering why I’m so funny, it’s because I used to be fat. And I’ve already failed all my exams sooooo You can use me to get to my mom. I’m actually looking for the one girl that dislikes to laugh and hates good music. If I ever find myself face to face with a tider then I’m likely in trouble so drop the camera and GET HELP! You only get three great women in your life, my mom and grandma are two… I’ll sexually disappoint you but it’ll be a journey for both of us. I want to do adult things with you…*whispers* taxes*panting softly* pay the mortgage*moans* make sure we turned off all the lights, our electricity bill was 300 f*cking dollars this month Just doing this because my boyfriend did. a girl in 1912 has her naked body drawn in a sketchbook by a random dude that no one’s ever heard of, locks the drawing in a safe on a boat, the BOAT SINKS, and her nude picture STILL ends upon television 84 years later. Looking for someone to bring to family events so they’ll stop thinking something’s wrong with me I’m here to avoid friends on Facebook. I am a little freaky at times…but no one has stepped up to the plate to explore that side of me.

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